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Episode 2: The Ties that Bind
Episode Description The dads mediate a conflict between a dragon and his children. Introduction/Dad Facts Freddie thanks all of us listeners, and re-introduces the dads, with each giving their fun dad fact of the episode: * Glenn Close (Freddie Wong): he is bummed that his Wonderwall cover failed in episode 1, because normally it works out. * Darryl Wilson (Matt Arnold): he thinks he might miss his wife more than she misses him. * Henry Oak (Will Campos): he currently has condoms on his fingers to protect everyone from his wild magical powers. * Ron Stampler (Beth May): cries eternally all the time; he does not have any leg hair (left is medical, right is for fun to even them out). * Anthony Burch, the Daddy Master, did not believe they would get that gay in the first episode. Plot Summary Exposition Anthony explains that the dads will level-up on a milestone system, and that they will get inspiration for executing Dad-Jokes, meaning they can choose to get advantage on a roll if they have inspiration. What Do We Do? (First Part) Immediately Henry decides that they should go after his kids first, as he called it, and fractionally they can rescue the most amount of children first by going for his. Ron points out that losing one means less than any other dad. Darryl agrees with Henry, saying he wants time to think about what to do for Grant visa-vi eating his skin. Glenn agrees with Will, citing meta knowledge from his half-buzzed state, stating that he believes Nick is usually pretty safe on his own. Ron also agrees, knowing for a fact that Terry Jr. is better off without him. After a fun dad joke about Neverwinter, Glenn goes down, and the dads are forced to find somewhere to rest up and heal Glenn. Finding an inn, Henry is drawn to a commotion in the middle of a crowd in the street. Ron desires to stay and stare at Glenn, so Darryl joins Henry. In the middle, they find two villagers kicking an invisible entity. A guy explains how they hate whatever Neutral Evil creature is there, which seems to not register with Darryl. After identifying it as a fairy dragon named Gartok, Darryl and Henry see it shimmer back into sight, and he pleads with them to make the villagers stop. They decide to protect the dragon from the villagers, with Henry yelling how he'll lick any man in the crowd, to which Darryl claims his licks are poison. The villagers are un-phased by this, and the dragon states he just wanted to find his kids. All of sudden, a feeling comes over Henry, and he casts Thunder Wave, knocking everyone back. First, the condoms fly off and hit 10 people, then pure biological lighting hits the crowd. note, Beth decides biological lightning is her new brand of semen. Gartok thanks them, explaining who he is and how he got there, and decides that if they help him find his three kids, he'll help them find theirs. He directs them to the Wispy Woods Inn to sleep, as he goes invisible to come in with them. After just barely fooling a barmaid/inn keep that they'll deliver 15 barrels of beer, their "Darryl Barrel Special", they earn a few silver pieces and a free room for the night. After resting up, and sharing a weird dream about a purple robed man, they avoid the inn keeper by knocking out a guard, jumping out a window, and making a run for the van. Leaving Phandalin (Second Part) As they leave, they look for Gartok's kids first, as they are on the way to Neverwinter. Gartok is suspiciously vague about a lot of information about the kids, giving the dads a strange vibe about Gartok, but not enough to grill him further. On the travels, Henry notices a suspicious rock, one that could be a hiding place for his kids. Gartok says he cannot go in, and that the dads should go for him. When the dads really press him about this information, and he goes to talk about them further, he seizes up as some strange, magical fire burns him. They notice that the three bracelets seem to have some runic writing that affects his ability to explain his situation. The dads remove his leglet, but immediately the dads suspect they killed one of his kids, so they put it back on as he begins to cry. He begs them to bring both of his kids back to him, and then Ron decides to put on the bracelet. As soon as Ron does this, Gartok looks at him and says "Kill yourself', immediately causing Ron to attempt to slice his neck with a razor-sharp business card, which Darryl manages to stop just in time and remove the bracelet. Arguments and threats commence, as Gartok tries to talk about his kids and how one just killed, but can't, and the dads try to justify it being an accident. The dads then commence to go into the cave to find the kids, but not before Darryl asks Henry to hold on to his Charleston Chews, so as to not binge on them, all while Gartok breaks down even further. Meet The Kids (Third Part) As they venture through the cave, maneuvering around and avoiding traps, they come across two dragons smaller than Gartok that are talking about their recently killed brother. As Henry struggles to not blurt out the truth of killing their brother, the dads attempt to find out the whole truth, convince the kids that they are on their side, and that they will help them deal with their father. Together, they devise a plan: force Gartok into changing what the bracelets say, saying they'll put them on his kids, but then surprise him by putting them on him instead. The plan goes off semi-smoothly, getting two bracelets onto him that say: # Treat your kids how you want to be treated # Let your kids make their own decisions, within a certain boundary, until they are dragon adult age. Also, don't buy store brand toilet paper and Mac & Cheese. As he comes to grip with what has happened to him, the kids emerge to confront Gartok and the dads. Henry accidentally lets slip a painful truth, but the dads convince the dragons to not kill them. The dragon kids opt to not kill him, so as to not disgrace their dead brother, but threaten both Gartok and the group of dads that if they ever see any of them again, they will kill them. The dads drive away, questioning some of the moral implications of their actions, and approach the front gate to the city of Neverwinter, but something is amiss. Atop the gate, a large banner was hung, with what appears to be the DOODLER, the mascot of the kids' soccer team drawn by Lark and Sparrow. As the episode fades, Henry exclaims how he knew that the art lessons at the Montessori Preschool they attended would pay off. Quotes * "That's no football!" (in reference to a small dragon) - Darryl Wilson * "No, my feet are big. I have big MAN feet!" - Ron Stampler * "There are so many systems of control, you know? Like society itself offers one layer, but that is just one of many ways that our lives are not free, you know what I mean?" - Glenn Close to Gartok Trivia * Darryl sets up as to why he loves Charleston Chews in this episode, which is then referenced later in the Patreon prequel series At the Mountains of Dadness. * Gartok is the first confirmed father the dads meet in the Forgotten Realms. Dragon Lore "Ding Ding Ding" is a dragon saying in the Forgotten Realms, with origins from Ding, the wisest dragon who ever lived, so they invoke his name three times when encountering situations of figuring out problems. Chyyzu's was an old dragon who was constantly stymied by really tough questions. So, when dragons are unsure of what to answer with, they invoke his name, which sounds like 'Jesus'. Music/Sound Effects External links